what are u trying to prove..? when you do something? what is your motive of doing it? what do you gain.. from doing it?

life is such a beautiful thing.. just like love... just because there are too many people with different motives in it.. that it screws up the way things should happen..

never expect anything from anything or anyone after u do something.. your motive would kill your desire.. so what do you do? sit around and wait for things to happen?

my point is not that you should not have a motive.. but more of.. what is your motive..? is it right? would it do good to anyone? what do you have to prove when you do things out of character, to show people your limit? would it mean anything to you? would you think back and feel proud of your actions..
simple actions and small.. can kill a person's enthusism, hurt a feeling and scar the heart.. have you done anything of that lately?

so maybe this world is not perfect.. no.. its not.. its ugly and horrible and unsociable.. should you do the same and add on to its attrocity as well? so you think it doesnt matter.. but it does.. everything you do or say.. will spread like a virus, an epidemic.. and one day it will come back to you.. full blown.. and if u're unlucky.. it would hit you when it hurt the most.. would you survive?

as for me.. i feel blessed everyday.. (Thank the Goddess for that!) with a few close friends.. (emm lamp post , bears, lady bugs.. blah) a healthy family, food and shelter.. i may come across difficulties, or hurts, parting loved ones.. i may make mistakes.. (LOADs of mistakes) i may get disappointed.. but im contented.. im contented for love from family and friends.. contented that the difficulties makes me stronger in will-power, hurts help me mature, parting loved ones makes me treasure what i have, and mistakes teaches me to not do the same again...

life is good.. and i feel happy that everyday by feeling contented, i am mentally well enough to help another person to feel good, who would help another.. who would help another.. and another and another.. and so on... so that 1 day.. when i lose my faith in myself.. i will be able to look around and see the good i did and be motivated to live on.. as yes.. lil old me.. do make a difference to this world..

would you do the same? would you look back and smile at what u did before? would u face ur life with courage? or would you hide away from it? or make excuses to avoid it? or would you hide your inner self and prove to people things that doesnt matter..?

to the lamppost: what would you do? would you live your life electrocuting every vine that creeps up your post? would you stay envious of the tree? or start living like one, when you know you can.. and that it is just a matter of the heart..

to brother bear cal: glad you manage to stay away from cigs.. glad you are happy with life.. people should be more like that.. but are you really happy? (ask yurself truthfully ba ^^)

bro bear mar: don say u cant stop.. when u noe you can.. and that u are just fighting yourself.. don give excues that u cant..

leaf: there is nothing much to prove.. i juz want you to be happy.. things are complicated.. so were our issues.. but our issues... is of past tense already.. i won give excuses.. i miss you.. of coz i do... its been so long.. n those feelings all real... but i don feel upset anymore.. or cry everynite.. juz coz you found a gentle breeze to take u away.. i juz feel hurt that the ending has to be this way.. you don have to prove anything to me.. i told you before, one day u'll find other reasons to live on without me.. and you found it.. im very glad for you.. but i hope that you din do it to prove me wrong..

k-Z: you don want to be lost in the jungle, but yet.. you don want to move as u found a comfortable cooling spot.. u stopped moving.. you're tired.. but you hear shouts of joy at a certain end of the jungle.. u look far and wide.. you don see anything.. it began to fog.. and the fog got heavier and heavier.. you don see a reason to move.. but yet you are anxious to go out.. what next? what would you do? you ask a talking tree (me) for directions.. but you know.. whatever the tree says.. you would give a remark to counter back.. you have made a decision.. your decision is that since you cant decide.. you would stay put and wait for the fog to clear.. you would wait for the way out to show.. by logic i suppose you know that will never happen.. but you still decided to wait.. are you happy?

apple picker: life threw oranges and pears at you.. you only want the apple.. the apple right at the crown of the apple tree.. you been eying it for so long.. yet afraid that if you get it and bite into it.. you would realise the apple has a worm in it.. you worry that if you try to grab the apple.. it would slip away... not only that.. you worry you cant bear to bite into the apple, and if u juz look at it.. it would rot away slowly.. you ask the tree what to do.. and this is what tree has to say.. you lead a life with too many 'what ifs' so much so that.. the good things and bad things in life.. you might not get to experience... tree said before.. don ask people what your heart has already decided for yourself.. it is your heart that told you you really like her.. so it should be your heart you listen to.. because you can ask 3million people the same question, and if the answer don tally with the answer ur heart gave.. you will never stop asking... so y not save the asking and wasting of time.. and just listen to your heart..?

shepherd: you told me.. this guy is different.. in looks and characters.. and the way you 2 share the love for GOD... now that he is away at ns.. love feels waivering? he ask you not to wait.. said it would waste your youth and time.. have u ever thought if it is coz he feels uncertain with the relationship.. that at least if u like someone else in the future.. he won feel that hurt? and u feel likewise.. if u do.. how much do you love him.. if u noe that he is so right.. have you thought if maybe GOD want to take this period of time to test your love for each other? that if you both can go through this 2 years together.. you can pull through anything... think about it...

-----**-----

the reason y i'm still single is because i grew up, i matured.. i no longer see a need to have a guy to love me just to feel loved.. i am being loved now.. by family.. by my kindred spirits.. and i love.. not wanting to recieve anything back.. im contented.. i may not have a lover... there is no need to search for 1.. (unfortuntely, cant find also..) or maybe my criterias for my muirn bertha dan changed.. it narrowed down so much... it seems impossible to find this guy.. (^^*) but i won give up hope.. i know that this guy is also searching for his missing rib.. and one day he would find her.. and that one day would be the happiest day of our life..

~Farewell, Blessed Be, Merry Parts~